“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,”
– The bell jar, Sylvia Plath
I recently read a book, the bell jar, by Sylvia Plath. I resonated with a lot of the motives in the book, and the point of view of the character centering the book. And the one I wanted to talk about this time is the metaphor of the fig tree, Sylvia used in her novel.
As we can see from the quote above, the purple figs, signify the different paths, whether that be career, or life ones. The tree has many branches and off those branches grow more and more figs, more and more possibilities of careers, of what you want to do, till the day of your death. Which can be a director, a writer, a stay at home mom, a wife.
“I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
The inability to choose one fig, eliminates the possibility of pursuing the rest. To me, this fragment from the book shows how indecisive the character is. Because she sat at bark of the tree, unable to make up her mind of which one to choose. Because she wanted all of them, she couldn’t just choose one because that would mean she would have to abolish the rest. So incompetent to decide, they all rot and fell to the floor, just like dreams, careers, wants for the future.
The indefinite want
There is so many to choose from, and we may want to be them all, a poet but an artist, a director yet an actor, a wife, yet a soldier. The indefinite want, the indecisive way of thinking, of not being able to just choose one. And because you want them all, not just one, in the end, you don’t choose any, and the dreams and time to pursue the career paths, rot, and disappear from your grasp.
I’m still young, 15, but the social expectancy of knowing who I want to be and what I want to do for the rest of my life, makes me fee behind, way behind. Because I truly don’t know.
I cannot be everything and so I am nothing
I can’t be everything, if I would want to become a doctor, it takes 6 years, if I’d want to become something else, I would have to do more 5 year length courses, and still, none of the careers play along with another. You cannot be a dentist, and on the side a soldier aswell. You cant be a stay at home wife and work in the chemist. You cant be everything, but I don’t know how to be one.
How for the rest of your life, you decide, one, career, to pursue till the end of time. How do you settle on one? How do you choose between living in the city, full of people and life, a busy type of living, but most importantly, a loud and chaotic life and one in the country side, a quiet and peaceful place, yet a place of loneliness and lack of human trail.
How do you choose between a full family, 5 kids, a husband which you stay at home too, to living out your dreams, traveling, trying our different jobs, different countries, different people.
What is the purpose in life to only have expierenced one fig off of the entire fig tree
What purpose is there to pursue something if I cannot be everything. I want to travel the entire world, live in each country. I want to have tons of kids but also grow old alone,rather than a family. I want to read and write in every language, I want to have a degree in every job. I want to work at ever shop, I want to read every book.
My family asks me what I want to be, and I wish they would understand the fig tree like I do, resonate with it like I do. But I don’t think they could, because they unlike me. Have settled for one career, have settled for a family. They grabbed the fig, before it could turn to a rotten, inedible fruit. And though I know im still young, it feels as though because I cant make up my mind to only choose one and loose the rest, I am choosing nothing.
The want to be everything
I want to be many things, I want to live many lives, and do many mistakes I can then learn from. I want to live and be raised in many different countries, with different people, environment, language. We only have one life, and for me, that not enough. We can only choose one career to pursue, and for me that isn’t enough. One life to live isn’t enough, one job isn’t enough, one option isn’t enough.
Because no matter what path I choose, I will still be curious about the rest, leaving me unhappy and regretful with my choice.
I want to be everything, and because of that, I am nothing.