Love is a word that in undefined. Its not something we can particularly describe, nor put our finger on. It can morph to any form. Whether that be a place, a person, a thing, or a passion. Love, has all forms. Familial, platonic. romantic, fraternal.
Love can destroy us, yet it can heal us too
Love can destroy, yet can heal. It can help us in our growth, but be the poison to our development. It changes us as people. Love is something permanent. The feeling may ware off, but the love that was once imprinted, will forever stay. It will have its mark on us, till death will part us from the familiar stain.
Love isn’t always beautiful, because love isn’t always reciprocated. One sided love is cruel, but one sided love is raw. Loving someone, who couldn’t bother stare at you twice, care for you, think of you.
Love that is reciprocated, is like floating, swimming in an ocean. Your legs feel like stepping on marshmallows. Your mind is intertwined with theirs, your fingers inclined with one another.
Love to me, is a feeling that cannot be contained. Its not like water, like an object, its not like air. It cannot be obtained into any container, put away, shut off. Its something more powerful then your mind, and your morals. Because it bends your morals, and messes with your mind. Love isn’t factual, love isn’t rational. For love, we are able to do anything. We are ready to throw away each single part of us, strip us to bone, for the person, we so call love.
The one we love
The love you hold for them, suffocates your heart, when it can no longer fit. It cannot be described in words,it cannot be written on paper. They seep into the gifts you give, the presents receive. They become the talents you grow, and the hobbies you cherish.
They become your oxygen, the lungs you use to breath. They become the food you have to eat, and the words you speak with your mouth. They become the decision you make.The right, and the wrong. They become, the sleep you have, and the moments you lay awake in. They become you. Love, swallows you whole.
Consumption
You don’t think of yourself, neither do you think of anyone else. All that is important to you, is what, who you love. Everything else disappears. Everything else seems to loose its value. Because nothing else seems to be as good as them. No one else, nothing, breathing, eating, walking, running becomes hard to do without them. Living without them becomes merely impossible.
They become entangled with each part of your life. They are in the people you meet, in the words you speak. They are in the things you ear, they are in the thought you think. They are in each step you take, and in each motion you create. They consume you, until you are nothing but a dripping piece of the heart that they feast on.
They paint themselves over each and every thing they have ever touched. In each place you spend with them, all you see is them. In each food you eat, with them by your side, you see them. They infiltrate your life and beings. They fill in every gap of your life, until you begin to take them like a drug, and create a dependency. Your mood is crashed, your life seems to be pointless without them, you become dependent. Without them, parts of you are missing, you feel lonely even in a group full of people. You feel an intense part of you, missing, craving, needing.
The things that once brought you joy, now fill you with nothing more but an empty feeling of self pity and the absence of their presence.
Everything but them, become white noise
When you are around them everything else disappears beneath you. It is just you and them. Everything else seems to be forgotten. Your heart craves the thumps it makes around them, your lips miss the curve they make when they speak. They become your routine. They become your night, your day, the food you eat, the words you write.
When you’re by their side, your teeth breath as you smile widely, your soul feels alive. You breath, breath in the air around you, you breath in them. Your organs flourish, and each feeling you feel, sprouts in its growth. You feel at peace, content ,even in the worse seeming situations with them, everything seems to be okay.
Each feeling, each worry, each problems feels to dissolve, and fade away into the depths of the unknown.
The moments you share, you replay in your mind like a movie, that never seems to end. You crave their presence touch, their words, their laugh. The way they smiled, the way their lips curved. You miss the way they uplifted each emotion in you, you miss the comfort, sitting, even in silence, with their soul, gave you. You miss the familiarity of them.
Familiarity that come with loving
You know them like a house. You know exactly where each furniture is placed, what is in each cabinet, in each crook, or nook, of the entire house. What is stored in boxes, what is out on display. You know them inside out. You understand their morals, their behaviors. You understand their ways, their love, their care. You understand them, in hopes of them understanding you too. Like an open book, all secrets are replenished into one another.
What you have for them is larger, and overpowers any emotion. Wrath, misery, rage, fury, distaste, envy, despair,fear, distress. You cut yourself bit by bit, slide by slice, for them. You give them your all, even if its tearing you apart. You give them your mind, and you let them treat it however they please. You let them meddle with your heart, you let them pick at it, destroy any remains.
You allow them, to do anything, because when you look at someone through the glasses of love, nothing else seems to matter but love. Nothing else matters, self respect is out the window, rationality is faded, your morals are bended.
You are blinded
Your mind isn’t focused on whats good for you, your mind isn’t focused on what is happening, your mind is focused on the person, on love, on the care, touch, passion that they give to the person. They don’t see the scars, they don’t see the knife the person may hold beneath their hands. They are blinded, drowning, in the despair of love. Unaware of their surroundings, unaware of what is happening around them.
They are blindfolded, strapped to a chair, and all that matters is them.
No matter what they do, you always find a way to come back crawling to them. Loving them, caring for them with the same tender touch you always had, as if nothing has changed.
Love is waiting for someone on the other side of the bridge, even if you have waited for years. Love is being in a room full of people, but everyone else faces are blurry and the only clear one is them. Love is loving, even if it destroys you like acid, burning you in every shape and form. Love is loving someone, through different years, experiences, changes, traumas. Love is awaiting them, with open arms, knowing you’ll always be there for them.l Love is brutal but can be beautiful. Love is destructive but may heal. Love is pointless, but is an unforgettable memory.
Love is awaiting someone you know will never change, care, love, come.
Love, in marriage
However love is also stupid. You marry people because of the feelings you develops at the beginning. You fall in love with the person they perceive themselves to be. You fall in love with a facade. You fall in love with a performance, an actor, a show they put on. You fall in love, blindly, you place rose colored glasses onto the bridge of your nose, and suddenly nothing else matters but them. Years pass by, the feeling fades, the feeling dissolves.
The once excitement of love, vanishes, the once tender care you gave one another, disappears. The butterflies you once felt, escape your stomach, just to never return again. The bandaged they once used to take care of you, after the minor inconvenience, is now shoved to the bottom of a drawer. The sweet lovings that were once whispers into one anothers ears, are nothing but an old melody to the ear. The times you shared, dim to memories. No longer becoming reality, but now a lousy dream.
The gifts you received daily, with crimson colored rose, no more are placed in front of your door rather stuffed to the bottom of the bin. The value, meaning of your marriage, of the once blossoming love, declines, dying out, until you are left with two strangers, living beneath the same roof, with two kids to raise, and dreadful years ahead of them. The single words they speak to one another, include “hi’s” and “goodbyes”. Too preoccupied with their on lives, to remember the people they once fell in love with.
The only intimate moments they share, are at the end of the day. When the moon has risen and the sun has set. Both having dark circles beneath their eyes, too exhausted, to recognize each other. To realize themselves. Instead, they sink to their bed, both falling into a deep sleep, as though the people beside them, are no one more than someone they used to know.
Someone they used to love, they care.
Someone they once knew. Now the conversations that previously occurred, with the person they admired for hours at an end, are left with words unspoken, unsaid.
Mutual nods are shared, instead of “how are you’s”. Words are kept to a minimum. Loosing the idea of the other ones life. The only thing keeping them together by a thread, are the children, are the reminiscence of the loving relationship.
And once the day comes, that their responsibilities as parents have been fulfilled, they are met with one a other, only to realize, they have became people they no longer recognize. They are no longer the person they knew each corner of, now, they are an outsider. And out lander. Someone foreign.
Because all along, they stayed, because they falsely believed, they still were feeling, something that has weared off, long before. Love.